Why did the drummer join the band?
He wanted to hang out with musicians.
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
A guy walks into a shop and asks for a 100 watt Marshall amplifier and a Fender Stratocaster guitar.
The shop worker says "Excuse me sir, but you're a drummer aren't you?". The man says "How could you tell?" "Well sir, this is a laundromat" says the worker.
What's the difference between a Drummer and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?
One is a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich."
Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
Did you hear about the drummer who went to college?
Me neither.
I once asked a drummer how to spell "Mississippi?”
He said, "the river or the state?"
Why are drummers always losing their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.
Two cowboys were waiting in their covered wagons for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums. One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, an Indian voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"
What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?
A tattoo.
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
A drummer sits behind the drumset and the band leader says, "Can you play a samba pattern with your bass drum?" The drummer obliges with a quick samba pattern. The band leader then asks, "Can you add a Mozambique cowbell pattern along with that with your right hand?" The drummer thinks to himself, "I can do that, no problem" and obliges, giving it his best possible. He is then told, "Now add a 2/3 clave with your left foot on the hi hat." The drummer's struggling a bit with this one but finally works it out and stiffens his back, all proud of himself. Next he hears, "Now add a cascara pattern on the snare with your left hand." Years of studying books and listening to world music finally come to fruition and the relieved drummer finds he can play the whole pattern with no problem. Pleased with himself, he asks the band leader "So, do I get the job? "No " says the bandleader "that's why we fired the last guy!"
How does a drummer count in seven?
One, two, three, four, five, six, sev, ven
Did you hear about the drummer that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to figure out he could also play it at night.
Why did the drummer move to L.A.?
Because it was easier to spell.
What do you call a bad drummer who loses one of his sticks?
The conductor.
Two drummers walk into a bar, which is actually kind of funny, because you would think that the second guy would have seen the first one do it.
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringers’ job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?" "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
What's the best protection the Secret Service could have against a Presidential assassination?
Make a drummer the Vice-President.
Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
How do you know when a drummers outside your door?
The knock gets faster.
There is a bar with a bunch of drummers in it and they are all yelling "51 days, 51 days!" and more and more keep coming in, they are all ordering drinks and yelling "51 days! 51 days!" the bartender has a puzzled look on his face as more and more come into the bar and order more and more drinks and chant and chant. finally, the bartender asks one of the drummers why they are all celebrating and chanting"51 days! 51 days!" the drummer answers with, "well, we all just finished a puzzle in 51 days and the box said 2 to 4 years!"
A drummer is playing a live gig, but keeps speeding up and slowing down. The singer is so fed up that he stops halfway through a song and shouts at the drummer "Do you know what TIME is?!" The drummer says "Sure. It's my favourite magazine."
A drummer walks into a building and tells the person behind the counter: "I would like to order a hamburger, French fries, and a small root beer." The person behind the counter respomnds, "Don't you know where you are? This is a library!" The drummer blushes and quietly whispers, "Sorry.... I would like to order a hamburger, French fries, and a small root beer."
A drummer wanted to study music at music school. During his entrance exam the examiner played him the notes C and E, and then asked him to identify what he'd just heard. His confused expression showed that he had no idea what the interval was. He asked "Could I hear it again?...I'm not quite sure yet." The examiner played the notes again. "Hmmm I'm still not sure...one more time please." The examiner played the notes once more. The drummer's face lit up "I've got it!...It's a piano isn't it?"
A guitar player and a drummer were walking through a park one day. The guitar player said, "Hey look at that dog with one eye!" The drummer covers one eye and says, "Where?"
Did you hear bout the drummer with lousy timing?He could play the greatest solos, had the fastest hands and was all around brilliant, but his timing was awful. He got chucked out of band after band, and gradually got really depressed. Eventually he got so depressed, he threw himself behind a train.
Did you hear about the drummer who lost his pet dog?
He didn't bother to put an ad in the newspaper... he says his dog can't read.
This girl follows the drummer to every concert and hangs out for the whole gig and then tells the drummer "Baby, I'll do anything you want, if you can just say those three little words." He is a little surprised, but then smiles and says "Paint my house?"
Two drummers and a violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "We sound terrible. I don't think this is going to work. Let's get rid of the violinist."
What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
