Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?" "Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life." "What happened?" "Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely." "How about you?" "Me? I accompanied her on the piano!"

Did you hear about the stupid pianist who kept banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear.

My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday.  A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" I asked. "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."

A pianist and singer are rehearsing "Autumn Leaves" for a concert and the pianist says: "OK. We will start in G minor and then on the third bar, modulate to B major and go into 5/4. When you get to the bridge, modulate back down to F# minor and alternate a 4/4 bar with a 7/4 bar. On the last A section go into double time and slowly modulate back to G minor." The singer says: "Wow, I don't think I can remember all of that." The pianist says: "Well, that's what you did last time."

Piano Tuner: I've come to tune the piano.

Music Teacher: But we didn't send for you.

Piano Tuner: No, but the people who live across the street did.

Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?

Because most shops close by six thirty

What's the difference between a musician and a twelve-inch pizza?

A twelve-inch pizza can feed a family of four.

There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.

Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!" The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!" So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Everything from Ragtime to Mozart, and the bartender and patrons are really enjoying the music. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?" The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

Guy in a bar says to the piano player, " Do you know the way to the restroom?" Piano player says, "No, but if you would hum a few bars I can fake it.”

Ever wonder why so few wind instrument players also play piano? It's too hard to lift the piano on end to drain out the spit.

I was playing last night in a late piano bar. I noticed an elephant crying in the corner. "Ah" I said, "You recognize the tune?". "No," replied the elephant "I recognize the ivory.

My piano teacher is really religious. Every time I play, she closes her eyes, shakes her head and says, "Oh Lord."

Hmmm...Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?